A Pregnant Pause

After about 30 weeks, I absolutely hated being pregnant with a fiery passion.  I was in misery every minute.  When I wasn't peeing, I was eating.  When I wasn't eating, I was sleeping.  Or crying, or complaining, or hiccuping.  Or I was being assaulted from the inside with the biggest baby foot I ever did see.

But now, I am really missing being pregnant.

Even in the beginning, I wasn't exactly crazy about the process of being pregnant.  I never got sick, even though I had mild nausea.  I was very healthy for the entire pregnancy; no gestational diabetes, no Braxton Hicks, no high blood pressure, and I gained very little weight (only 13 lbs total).  I really had nothing to complain about, but still managed to complain, even though I had it a lot better than many women. I never really looked pregnant until around 35 weeks, I just looked like my regular big self.  I never really had a "baby bump"

I feel like now that I am no longer pregnant, there isn't anything "special" about me anymore.  I am just like every other woman on the planet.  No one finds me interesting anymore.

And I know how demented this all sounds.

Being pregnant was just a means to an end for me, even though when I got pregnant, I SWORE I wouldn't complain.  I told myself that I should consider myself lucky to be pregnant, and complaining would basically be spitting in the face of the gods.

If I am lucky enough to get pregnant again, I am going to try my hardest to really enjoy it.  I am not one to LOVE being pregnant, but I will truly try to tolerate it and really live in the moment.  No matter how many times I pee my pants.

In the words of Ru Paul, "You better work"!!!!

I am nearing the end of my first week back to work, and I have to say, I am very glad to be back!  I am very lucky to have a job that I like and work with people that I love.  I only started in my current role 4 weeks before I was due to give birth, and knowing that, they still took a chance on me, and I am so glad they did.  Since Kellan is home with his Gangy, it made going back so much easier.  I know he is loved and cared for as much as I would be doing if I were home with him.  Towards the end of the day, I find myself rushing to get home and see him and love on him.  My mom has been helping us at night, and I have been able to get some sleep thanks to that.  We are quite lucky to have her her with us, and I know Kellan is loving every minute with her.

On the flip side, I forgot how much I hate traffic.  That is the only downside to going back.  And if that's the worst thing about going back, I think I will be alright.

We had a big milestone since my last entry: the first smile.  And it was a big one!  Tony was holding him and making silly faces and noises, and Kel was smiling so big and so bright, it was so wonderful.  I am on pins and needles waiting for the first laugh, I know it is going to rock my world.

 

Kellan also seems to have hit a growth spurt.  He is now eating 4.5-5 ounce bottles, sometimes every 2 hours.  The doctor said he is sill underweight, so as long as he is keeping it down, and seems hungry, we can keep feeding him.  I have never seen a baby eat like this, it is insane.  His skinny little legs have turned into hammies.  He has a double chin.  And he is finally out of newborn diapers and clothes. 

On the downside, we are having problems with what we call in our house "the bump".  Kellan had a nice size bump on his head over his soft spot when he was born. I didn't discover it until the day we left the hospital because he had a hat on most of the time. I asked the nurses about it, and they said it was from the internal fetal monitor and that it would likely disappear in a few weeks. Cut to a few weeks later and we are at the pedi, and they are concerned that the bump is not even close to disappearing. They ordered an u/s and x-ray. We got both of them last week at Children's, and received the results that said both were inconclusive. The pedi said she is recommending us to Neurosurgery, where they will assess and likely recommend an MRI. She said that the bump is not affecting his skull bones fusing together (which was the initial concern), but it could be reaching his brain.  Also, my OB said that there is no way in hell that was caused by a fetal monitor. So now that is on my mind.

I'm not even going to pretend that it is something I am not worried about.  I know it could be totally superficial and have no effect on his brain, but I don't know that for 100% sure.  And until I know that, I will be bugging out.

With all of that said, my baby boy is 7 weeks old today, and I can't believe what a big boy he is becoming.  It makes me sad that he is growing up, but I am so excited for my future with him.